Well Hello There..

It's less than a month now and we will be heading off to Mexico on our second cruise together. And only a few weeks away before my oldest niece gets married. Both events I had pictured in my mind as much skinnier than I am today. I was sure when we booked this cruise so many months ago that I'd be showing off my bikini  bod and looking fab in the photos from our trip. Yeah..well not so much and I seriously doubt you'll be seeing any swimsuit pictures anytime soon.

I am past the horrified stage when I see myself in pictures but not quite to the "Wow, who is that smoking girl!?"  I do think I'll get there one of these days thou.

This morning we did our routine of watching the morning news shows, answering leads, checking emails, catching up on flower shop on facebook (ok that is just me..Vic ins't into the online games) ...and then Vic says "I'm going to finish these up and then go to the gym, want to come with me?" my brain screams NOOOO but then that little devil that is never far away named guilt starts punching me in the throat. I should go, we should go often. We should ride our new bikes that sit in  the guest room closet so they don't get rusty outside. We should use our treadmill for something other than a clothes pile holder, we should, we should...I should not make lemon cake , or buy candy, or do any of the other number of bad things I've been doing. The scale not moving in the right direction is totally my doing.

I will do better. one day. Here is a no make up, current good morning to you picture :)

and another from a recent trip to Hobby Lobby (my happy place)

September 1 2013

I've had this blog up and running a year this month (Sept 30 2012 blog)

I was getting ready to go in for my lap band surgery the following month. I was super excited to lose the weight and be back to my skinny self. Thinking I would never have a "fat holiday" again, no more worries about pictures being taken of me.  

Well, I have lost some weight (nearly 40 lbs) but have not lost any more since Feb. , that is 7 months of sitting at the same place on the scale. It's my fault, I don't eat right, I don't exercise like I should. I'm  not disgusted at my pictures any more (for the most part) but I'm also not where I wanted to be  a year later. I wanted to be down 100 lbs.  I still think I'll get there, it is just going to take a lot more than I'm giving now.

With the 40 pounds down I can now sit Indian style (my legs crossed) , I don't worry about seat belts not fitting on plane trips, roller coasters, etc. I don't worry that my beach chair will break under my weight.
I feel "noticed" again and not invisible. I don't feel the need to run to the scale every day worrying that the weight will all just appear back. I can shop in regular stores again  and sometimes even find things that fit ..and not just in the big women s section.

I have not been recording in this blog or doing the videos that I started with..I think about them but don't seem to find the time or motivation to do them. Not sure anyone really reads this or cares anyway. It's mainly for me , another journal of sorts to record what I've done, what I'm doing and what I am telling myself to do in the future :)