Happy June!

After my last post I went back to the doctor and he took out 1 cc in my band-making it now at 5 cc's. I have been able to eat again -not an entire steak or anything but I can get 3-4 bites before feeling stuck.

I'm still working on drinking more water, eating less junk/slider foods and going for protein first. It's hard, I know I've slipped back into some old/bad habits  and only I can change    and get back on track.

This is Vic's last week of Physical Therapy so we'll be joining a gym soon and getting back to a more normal schedule hopefully. I know that I could go do that on my own but I think I'll go more with her and having someone to go with is more fun!

It's about this time last year that I started thinking about getting the lap band surgery. I remember going to a family 4th of July party saying it would be my last "fat" holiday. How silly I was to think it would all just fall off after surgery. Even after all the classes and everything I still thought it would be easier than it has been and didn't account for all the work I'd have to do along the way to get the numbers that I want.

It's a Struggle

Today is 7 months, 6 days since I had the lap band surgery. And almost a year now since I started looking into having it done. When I started I weighted 234 pounds, today I weight 196 making that 38 pounds lost. I  was pretty happy three months ago when I hit 197 but then my dad died and my motivation and eating habits went to hell. I snacked on candy and junk food again after being so good for months . I gave myself a break at first and figured it would run its course and work out and blamed it on stress. Truth be told I am sure it was/is emotional eating.

I went in for my regular check up with the doctor last Thursday. I didn't want another fill because I already could not eat very much but more than I should be able to eat according to what I learned in my classes prior to surgery. He wasn't very sympathetic and told me that I need to do what I was taught..three bites. Chicken, meat, fish..that's it. No salads, no slider foods. He gave me another fill making it 6cc's now in my band. (I think my band will hold 10 ccs)

This has been a trying 5 days! I can finally really only eat three bites! Even my protein shake makes me feel crappy and too full. If I eat that fourth bite I am off to the bathroom to throw it up (TMI..sorry). Good news is Ive lost another pound since my doctor visit Thursday. Bad news is not being able to eat makes me very cranky! I have a feeling seeing the scale go down more will make me get over the crankiness ...we shall see.

I worry a little about dehydration and not getting enough nutrients ..I mean how could I possibly with three bites of protein and a protein shake a day? It explains the weight loss but how healthy is this?? I am taking my vitamins and my hair isn't falling out as much as before..at least not that I notice as much. I am having little bits of feelings of wondering if this was the right decision for me. In my logical brain I think it was. I was way over weight and nothing was working. I was very unhealthy and my quality of life was being effected in ways I didn't even realize until I started losing the weight. I think once I get past this bump in the road I will again think that I made the right decision but on days like this when I can't  eat, can't even imagine going out to eat ever again without worrying about embarrassing myself it's a hard call.  I'm giving myself a few more days and if I'm still struggling as much I think I will go back and have him take back out 1cc of fluid from my band. Maybe this was the wake up call I needed to get back on track?

Video update 5/2/2013

yay, it looks like my webcam on my laptop is working again!

Time flies

I can't believe it's been a month since I posted on here. So much for my daily /weekly updates. I just have been in a creative funk since my dad passed in February.  The scale has stayed pretty much the same at 197/198/199.  I am pleased that it has not jumped back up into the 2's but really disappointed that it's not continued to go lower, but the only one to blame is me. I still have not exercised but am getting closer..the YouFit gym down the street from me is open now and I think after Vic is recovered more from knee surgery we will be joining.

 I've discovered that my lap band reacts to stress. For the most part I have not been able to keep most foods down. Occasionally I do but not as often as I'd like. I know that I eat too fast and take bigger bites than I should and that is something I just always have to work on. I'm not just talking about foods that shouldn't work..I was making Vic a sandwich yesterday and munched on Swiss cheese and a piece of ham and it got stuck. My problem is that a lot of bad foods (candy, ice cream, etc.) always go down just fine so when I have a bad episode with good foods I follow up with bad to fulfil that eating sensation. I have learned for the most part to only buy skinny cow candy and other more diet friendly sweets (sugar free, etc.)

Foods that work for me (most) of the time..meatballs,soup,chicken nuggets,chicken Caesar salad, chef salad, cheese, protein bars,chicken but not fried chicken, very thin pizza-I order the ones with the most meat and only eat a piece or two..if it's not thin it doesn't work, sometimes tacos work but sometimes they don't, chili,buffalo chicken wraps but I usually have to get rid of most of the "wrap" and just eat the chicken. I'm always trying new things but going out to a restaurant is not much fun for me anymore because I never know what my reaction to food is going to be.

Easter Sunday was awful. I went to a place that I usually love with Vic and Victor and ordered quiche but they didn't have my regular one so I got one with meat and peppers (too spicy) and I was only able to get one or two bites and I was running off to the bathroom to get sick. :(   I find it much easier to just bring food home or go to the same places that I know have things that work for me over and over.

It's been six months and a few weeks since I've been banded and I would not change it. I tried dieting on my own and never had the success that lasted like this band does. I know that I will keep losing weight and I know that once I add exercise I will do fantastic! For now I'm happy with the 37 lbs lost and enjoy looking in the mirror again.

I have a feeling May is going to be the month that turns this year around. No more sadness ..moving up and moving on to a thinner, healthier me!

3/27/13

Hello! I am 5 months and 1 week out from having the lap band surgery. I started at 234 pounds and today when I got on the scale it was 199.6! :)  I've been stuck there for the past month but I have also not been sticking to the right foods (damn girl scout cookies!) and Easter candy!  

I finally went and bought new clothes this week. My old pants (stretch material , mostly sweat type pants) were looking pretty bad and droopy. I am between sizes (16-18) but bought 18's because the 16s were not comfortable and looked too tight. I don't think it will be long thou before I'm in them and the 18s will look too big. I can pull up the 18s without unbuttoning or unzipping them so they are already "roomy". It's nice to have some new clothes and something I didn't even realize I was doing was pointed out by Vic when she said "It's so nice to see you in something other than black!" I bought all spring colors and NO black ..:)
In tops I was able to get larges instead of XL or XXL ...I will be so happy to be able to shop in the petite section again. Being 5' tall and only able to shop in the large women section really limited me to what pants or skirts I could buy. Vic asked me the other day if I just didn't like dresses or skirts because I never wear them...I didn't really think about it much until I started writing about my clothes..Being short and so over weight has really limited me to what I could wear. It's so wonderful seeing a shape to my body (other than round lol).

I have been trying to get on youtube to do a video update but everytime I hit "upload" from youtube to start the video making my computer freezes and I have to just turn it off. Anyone else having this problem?

That's all for today...Enjoy your day whatever it is you choose to do with it. xoxo

3/14/13 Third Fill?

I have another doctors appointment today. I'm unsure if he'll do another fill but I think that he probably will. I have a 10cc band and right now I only have 4cc's in the band. Each time I've come he's filled it 2cc's each time. I'm still losing each week. I started at 234 and my low has been 198, but this last week every day has been up and down...last night before bed it was 202 but I had a bad day of eating. I started out good with my protein shake but by 2pm I was starving so Vic and I went to Turtles Restaurant. I shared some nachos and had bang bang chicken ..very yummy..I wouldn't guess it was too bad compared to things I could have eaten. Then on the way home we stopped at Nokomis Groves and I got a large cup of pineapple and orange swirl soft serve ice cream. Delicious!
Once home we had Wendys. I had 10 chicken tenders..they were small but still 10 is way more than I should be able to eat if my band is working like it should. (I know I'm putting it on the band..I should know better and not eat that much in one setting!)

I'm just not stressing about my eating or my weight. I'm happy that the scale is continuing over all to move in the right direction. I still have a goal of 125 by October and I think it's something I can achieve.

When I tell people about my band I get different reactions. Someone told me that they couldn't give up soda so it would never work for them. I can honestly say I don't miss soda. I try a sip from time to time but the carbonation does not work for me at all. I thought I'd miss pizza but I can still manage one piece once in a while. The second piece is never agreeable with my band and it takes me longer to eat the first piece than in pre band days.  I can fill my sweet tooth with sugar free sweets so that's no big deal. I'm afraid to try steak again after my Ruby Tuesdays incident with the steak but I'm sure I could try a small bite and not have too much trouble..somethings are just not worth it for me. I miss a big juicy hamburger but I'm not willing to get stuck over a hamburger..I KNOW bread doesn't work for me.  There is really nothing that I crave that is worth putting the pounds back on. I am too happy with the smaller Holly that I see in the mirror. I know that the end result will be a healthier,  happier girl.

I'll post more after the appointment with the doctor..on my way there now.

OK just got back from the doctor. I had another fill..only 1cc this time making it a total of 5cc's. He thinks this will be it for the fills if I understood him correctly. yay!

I'm a little confused on things my doctor tells me. I swear before surgery he said I'd lose the majority of the weight the first year and then the second year I'd only have a little more to lose. Today he said I'd be on goal if I lost 60 lbs the first year (half of what I needed to lose) and that I'm doing great and already over the half way mark and I'm only 5 months out from when I had surgery. I still am planning on the total weight to be gone in one year so I hope I'm not setting myself up to fail on that one :(

I was at 200.2 lbs on the scale at the doctors office..I'm ok with that..it beats the 202 last night at home and today I was in a sweatshirt and pants so if I was naked I'd be under 200 again..:)

I talked to my doctor about the rashes I get on my under tummy. He told me to take pictures to document it because it would help with insurance covering my tummy tuck later..Don't worry I WILL NOT be posting any pictures of rashes! lol

Loss

I'm sorry that I have not been keeping up with this blog or my videos. I am still losing weight , in fact just the other day I finally made it to onederland. :) 

I've been in TN the last few weeks at my dads side. Last Sunday (2/24/13) he lost his battle with lung cancer. It has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to go thru. We found out a year ago about his cancer and have  tried to fit in many wonderful visits and memories. 

I just don't have a lot to say right now. I'm scheduled for another doctor visit the end of the month. I'm happy with my weight loss so far and think that I'm on track with where I should be. My goal is to get down to 125 and the date for that in my head is by my one year anniversary from surgery which will be in October. 

I've been trying to add a picture but something is not working right with blogger tonight and uploading. 

It's sad for me to blog right now. My dad used to look forward to my updates and would follow along on what I was doing and how much I was losing. He predicted I'd be at 199 sooner than I was. It was hard to blog this last year because at times I wanted to pour my heart out about my struggle with his cancer but since I knew he read my blogs I kept the posts about it pretty brief. Now that I can write whatever i want I just don't have the energy plus I don't want to open up those feelings yet because I'm afraid once the flood gates are open they won't shut. :( 

Anyway...until later..xoxo